Friday, August 21, 2015

Lately...

Basically

How do I even begin to explain the whirlwind that has been my life lately?
I am not sure that I can, to be completely honest.
Nor am I sure I want to. At least not yet.

But I have undergone some pretty significant transitions in the past year
that have left me feeling an entire rollercoaster of emotions.

This past year, life has been good, it has been great,
it has been awesome, and joy-filled.
I have had blessings upon blessings for which I am grateful for.

It has also been hard, like really, really hard.
It has been sad, like really, really sad.
It has been overwhelming, like really, really overwhelming.

There has been change. Significant change.
There has been loss. Significant loss.
There has been sickness. Significant sickness.

I am a crier, so when I say that this season has left me
wondering if I will ever run out of tears, I am really saying something.

I have described my current state as "foggy."
I'm not sure that even makes sense,
but I have felt unsure of every step forward.
I have been mistrusting of every which way,
as if something is lurking right beside me about to attack
but I just can't see it yet because of the fog.
It has left me anxious.

I have tried to "get my shit together" and
every attempt has a way to humble me even more.

I have been seeing a counselor through this dark season of life,
and it has been so beneficial for me to take the necessary steps forward.
She has helped me separate my irrational fears from the rational ones.
She has helped me to understand the complexities of this past year.
She has encouraged me not to give up hope for a bright future.
I am so grateful.

I am writing all of this to say,
my lately has been hard but I am going to make it through.
I sort of lost my motivation to blog for a while because I wasn't sure
how to put everything into words.
I am not sure I have to,
but I have been encouraged to keep writing.
It's an outlet for me.
So, I am going to try to get back into the swing of things
and "get my shit together." :)





4 comments:

Jeff Perellis said...

You may not feel much together at the moment, but you truly are! Your life is moving forward, just not at the pace you want. Keep blogging, love you 😘

Catherine Graham said...

I'm sorry to hear it's been so tough and although I don't assume to know how you feel, letting it out to the universe instead of keeping it in has to be beneficial! Plus I like your posts! Keep writing! ❤️

Alli said...

Keep writing! For the blog, or for yourself, just keep writing :)

Heather said...

Although we have never met, we have mutual friends from my WFU days, and I follow you on Instagram. I have been praying for you for the last several months. Don't succumb to the pressure to get your shit together based on any particular human standard - God is an expert at taken our broken messes and making them beautiful by bringing us closer to Him. Cling to His promises to give us a future and a hope, try your best every day, and give yourself endless grace when you fall short :) <3