Thursday, March 13, 2014


One of the most awkward, humbling, and embarrassing 
days of my professional career happened 
last week when plagued by mono coupled with insomnia,
{which is really just torture... I am exhausted. I just want to sleep. Body, please! Let me sleep!}
I arrived to school just minutes before the bell rang
to feel so shockingly overwhelmed by exhaustion
that a huge wave of anxiety swept over me 
and as I went to address my class I just began to bawl. 
Not like choked up; not like teared up; not like I just needed a second.
More like, floods of tears falling from my person and quick gasps for air bawling.

I stepped out in the hall and quickly walked to the teacher's bathroom
where I was able to breathe and convince myself that I was going to get through the day.
I thought I had gathered myself enough to return to my classroom,
but when I opened the door I was met face-to-face with one of our administrators.
Not only was I not in my classroom like I was supposed to be,
but my eyes were bloodshot, my makeup was smeared,
and, quite frankly, I looked like sh*t.
He asked me if I was okay, to which I tried to professionally lie to him
but, yet again, was overcome by a huge rush of emotion
and began bawling in the hallway.
He is the sweetest man, and totally met my honesty with compassion and kindness,
but he couldn't help but look uncomfortable
and I couldn't help but feel absolutely mortified.

I went back to my classroom, where I tried for the the third time that morning
to pull up my bootstraps and get myself together, 
but despite my best efforts I just crumbled again
At this point, I began laugh-crying because I could sense how absolutely ridiculous
the whole situation was becoming, but nonetheless, I could not stop the tears from falling.

I finally settled but this scenario continued into my second period,
when I stood up to explain to my students the lesson for the day
and began laugh-crying in front of the whole class.

By God's grace, I have the most understanding and loving students in all the world
who gave me constant encouragement throughout the day.
And by God's grace alone did I make it through that dreadful and exhausting day. 

This mono thing SUCKS. Like really, really bad.

Please tell me if you have had mono. And please tell me you have similar stories!!
{And if not, please make one up. It would make me feel better.}

1 comment:

Alyson Johnson said...

I so admire your honesty! We all have those days… hope you're feeling better!