Awkward

We had just put Greta down for the evening 

and Alex had schoolwork to do.

I took advantage of the opportunity 

to take a leisurely trip to my happy place ... 

 the one and only ... Target!

I was strolling, 

having myself a gay ol' time in the land of 

everything-is-cute-and-I-must-own-it-even-though-

I-don't-need-it-and-I-bought-the-same-exact-item-last-season-but-in-a-different-color,

and for whatever reason thought it wise to put all my mindless gatherings

in the child seat at the front of the cart... 

you know, the one with two leg holes?

{Can you guess where this is going?}

I was rounding the last corner to peruse my final stretch before checking out,

{I always walk the perimeter with a slight detour for the home aisles},

when I put my cart in reverse a little too swiftly {something must have caught my eye}

and out popped one of Greta's glass baby food jars.

Embarrassed and surprised by the rascally little jar, 

I looked to the nearest person and froze.

Thankfully, he was dad and gave me kind eyes in return to my blushed panic face. 

He sought out a Target employee to help me

since apparently my reaction to spilled baby food is cemented feet.

Two worker-angels came to the rescue and didn't accept my offers for help 

and continued to reassure me that everything was okay in between my incessant apologies.

With shattered glass everywhere,

they brought out a sign to temporarily close the aisle

and handed me a paper towel to clean my foot.

That is when I realized I had glass in my big toe.

When it took me a little longer to wipe up my foot than expected,

one Target angel asked if I was okay.

Mortified and ashamed, I lied and told him I was fine

and then quickly made my exit while they continued to clean.

The one who asked if I was okay,

chased after me to suggest that I remove the other 19 glass baby food jars from the child seat

 and place them safely in the large basket of the cart 

to prevent this situation from repeating itself.

Beet red from such obvious {but appreciated} advice,

I stopped in the aisle again to reorganize my cart.

At this point, I looked down at my toe and realized I was bleeding pretty bad.

Blood was now pooling in the sole of my Chaco sandal and

I was worried that I was leaving a blood trail.

I decided that I would just have to hurry up and checkout 

to prevent the next embarrassing thing, whatever that may be, from happening.

So I started to push my cart with a little more force.

I pushed and pushed but one of the wheels of the cart had stopped working.

I just wanted to escape unnoticed but my disabled cart was drawing all sorts of attention.

My anxiety was now a level 9 and all I could focus on was getting the heck out of Target.

Instead of reaching down and removing the glass shard that was preventing my wheel from turning,

I thought it best to just lift that side of the cart and hobble my way to

 what I will now refer to as the finish line, 

since it was all starting to feel like an obstacle 5K.

Limp-sprinting on three wheels was honestly my best solution to this situation,

and provided me with yet another mortifying moment,

when the Target worker-angel returned to replace my broken jar

with the exact same flavor.

I, of course, thanked him but was so scared he might see my bleeding toe

and realize that I had lied to him,

that I just lifted the front of my cart and wheel barreled my way to the checkout line.

I think it might be a while before I can show my face at Target again.

Awkward

Awkward:

You know how when you say something over and over and over again

 throughout the day how it just becomes habit.

Well, while bidding farewell to my students as the bell rang,

I looked at a student, a male-football-player-senior student,

straight in the eye and mindlessly said,

"Bye, girl!"

We both blushed and had a good chuckle at that one.

*

Receiving what I think was meant to be a compliment 

but could most definitely be considered an insult

in the following phrase:

"Your baby is way prettier than you!"


*

I am a huge fan of consignment.

I have bought a lot of Greta's clothes from a local consignment shop,

and I buy many of my own clothes from here.

The other day, I was rocking a consigned blazer, feeling great 

until I reached in my pocket midday and found an 

 used tissue in the pocket.

That's just NASTY, y'all.

Awkward.

One of the most awkward, humbling, and embarrassing 

days of my professional career happened 

last week when plagued by mono coupled with insomnia,

{which is really just torture... I am exhausted. I just want to sleep. Body, please! Let me sleep!}

I arrived to school just minutes before the bell rang

to feel so shockingly overwhelmed by exhaustion

that a huge wave of anxiety swept over me 

and as I went to address my class I just began to bawl. 

Not like choked up; not like teared up; not like I just needed a second.

More like, floods of tears falling from my person and quick gasps for air bawling.

I stepped out in the hall and quickly walked to the teacher's bathroom

where I was able to breathe and convince myself that I was going to get through the day.

I thought I had gathered myself enough to return to my classroom,

but when I opened the door I was met face-to-face with one of our administrators.

Not only was I not in my classroom like I was supposed to be,

but my eyes were bloodshot, my makeup was smeared,

and, quite frankly, I looked like sh*t.

He asked me if I was okay, to which I tried to professionally lie to him

but, yet again, was overcome by a huge rush of emotion

and began bawling in the hallway.

He is the sweetest man, and totally met my honesty with compassion and kindness,

but he couldn't help but look uncomfortable

and I couldn't help but feel absolutely mortified.

I went back to my classroom, where I tried for the the third time that morning

to pull up my bootstraps and get myself together, 

but despite my best efforts I just crumbled again. 

At this point, I began laugh-crying because I could sense how absolutely ridiculous

the whole situation was becoming, but nonetheless, I could not stop the tears from falling.

I finally settled but this scenario continued into my second period,

when I stood up to explain to my students the lesson for the day

and began laugh-crying in front of the whole class.

By God's grace, I have the most understanding and loving students in all the world

who gave me constant encouragement throughout the day.

And by God's grace alone did I make it through that dreadful and exhausting day. 

This mono thing SUCKS. Like really, really bad.

Please tell me if you have had mono. And please tell me you have similar stories!!

{And if not, please make one up. It would make me feel better.}

Scrapbook: Friday's Field Trip

On Friday my colleague and I took 40 students

on a field trip to view the juried Scholastic art show.

We had more than a handful of students whose work was on display,

so it was really fun watching their faces light up when they saw either their own work

or the work of their peers in the exhibit.

If you know me at all, then you know that this day could not go without a hitch.

With NOHS being out in rural suburbia, 

to get anywhere takes a little bit of time.

After our 30 minute commute to our first destination,

we unloaded the bus, said good-bye to the bus driver, labeled all 40 students 

with the appropriate "Visitor" stickers, and had just released them to explore

the various rooms with work on display,

when a very calm voice came over the loud speaker to announce,

"Excuse me, but everyone needs to evacuate the building immediately.

Everyone, please, step outside now."

OY-to-the-VEY!

The building had a gas leak.

And, of course, the bus was nowhere to be found.

Thank the good Lord the bus driver had NOT decided to go get a donut 

and had just pulled around back to park.

We loaded the students back up on the bus and after being at our first stop for less than 10 minutes,

we decided to scrap our original schedule and head downtown to 21c.

We had a tour of the museum set up for 1:00 that day,

but arrived, oh you know, just three hours early!

I explained the situation to the sweet lady at the front desk

and she so graciously asked our tour guide to accommodate us.

Lo, and behold, if our guide wasn't a girl I went to high school with!!

Susanna is awesome!

She gave the best tour and our students were so engaged.

^^^ The talented Susanna, ^^^

doing what she do!!

Then we made our way across the street to KMAC

where some of our students had work being displayed.

KMAC was so kind to allow us a few hours early, as well.

The students loved seeing their work in such a professional setting

and enjoyed the other exhibits as well.

^^^ The above images are gold key Scholastic winners ^^^

{Just to be clear, none are my students' work}

^^^ Wood carvings by Columbus, OH artist, ^^^

Elijah Pierce

^^^ Painted quilts by Denise Furnish ^^^

^^^ I am OBSESSED with this piece! ^^^

I am thinking a little DIY experiment 

might need to happen as a result of seeing this piece.

From KMAC we let our students loose at 4th Street Live

to grab a bite to eat.

While at lunch, my fellow chaperone called our first locale

to ask if the leak had been fixed and thankfully it had!

So, from lunch we headed back to our original destination

and got to see much more student work on display.

^^^ Scholastic silver key work ^^^

^^^ My student, Mary's, soft sculpture ^^^

^^^ My student, Garrison's, architectural piece ^^^

^^^ Not my student's work, but one of my favorites from the show ^^^

Overall, it was a full day,

but so much fun!!

Awkward.

Every day at work I pump during lunch.

I am not going to lie, it is not my favorite time of day.

I love the peace and quiet that comes with being in a secluded closet,

but feeling like a heifer while the buzz of teenage chatter and hallway shenanigans

whizzes through my ears {in addition to the constant and 

quite lovely weee--wooo--weee-wooo sound that the pump supplies}
... not so much.

As if pumping at work wasn't awkward enough,

add in the complicated wardrobe factor.

I try my hardest to look professional while
also having easy access to the … uh … goods.

With it being so darn cold lately, I have had to layerlayerlayer.

Well those layerlayerlayers become quite the pain in the ____

when trying to attach oneself to a milk machine.

I have done a pretty good job this school year
figuring out a pumping-friendsly wardrobe.
My favorite solution has been the classic button-up
because it keeps my back warm while
providing the easiest access to the front.

I was going about my usual business last week,
wearing a button-up and cardigan
(double the layers with just as easy access),
when I must have cleaned up just a little too quickly.

I didn't notice until MUCH MUCH later that I had left my button-up
without a single button buttoned up!
Thank the good Lord I had a shirt on underneath
and just looked like a cool kid from the 90's
with my open cardigan, open button-up.
But, golly geez, I dread the day when I am not wearing
layerlayerlayer and forget to button myself up.

Awkward

Greta is obsessed with orange peels.

She squeals over them!

If she sees one, it must go everywhere with her ...

… the bathtub, the changing table.

 She would take them to bed with her if we allowed it.

They are truly her new best friend.

{Just don't tell Sophie!}

*

I was totally corrected by a student on what 

I thought was a double high-five emoji.

Turns out this means "preach".

So sorry if I have sent you "preach"

when you have done something well or awesome.

I was not making fun,

just being a novice emoji user thinking I was giving you double fives!

In looking up the "preach" emoji, 

I discovered all kinds of meanings for

 the icons that I had totally misunderstood and/or misused.

For example, this one, and definitely this one.

*

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward

Last week was spirit week at NOHS, as you may recall. 

Part of the tradition here at North is to dress in costume 

as specified for each day of the week during spirit week.

For example, "Decades Day" or "Tacky Tourist Day"

Well, Wednesday, was "Holiday Day". 

I usually do not participate in the dressing up

but I happened to be wearing a green sweater that day

and I happened to have a headband with antlers in my classroom.

So, I thought, why not?

Well, I put them on at the beginning of school and never really thought about them again.

That is, until in 2nd period a student approached my desk and complimented me on my antlers,

to which I had no idea what he was talking about.

It went something like this:

Student (enthusiastically): Hi, Mrs Norton! I like your antlers.

Me: (furrowed brow + puzzled glare) ...

Student (timidly): I like your antlers... 

Me: (blank stare)

Student: You know, the antlers on your head? (pointing)

Me: (SO EMBARRASSED) Oh, thanks!

Awesome

Speaking of headbands, 

GG was gifted this super cute headband from Headbands of Hope.

Since floral head gear has sort of become GG's thing,

it was really cool to learn about this organization.

Headbands of Hope is similar to Toms in that for every headband you purchase, 

one is given to a girl with cancer. 

Additionally, $1 from each headband sold is donated to

 raise money for childhood cancer research.

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward:

The massive amounts of hair falling out of my head.

Postpartum hair loss is no joke, y'all.

Like, we are talking major handfuls at a time,

multiple times a day.

Too many times to count, I have frantically tried to brush off what I thought was a bug 

{usually a spider in my mind} 

from my arms or back

to find that it is only, yet another strand of hair that has been discarded from my scalp.

Don't even get me started on the disgustingness that is the shower drain.

Let's just say, spending a few extra dimes on that suction cup plastic drain cover

was definitely a worthwhile investment.

Awesome: 

While strolling through our neighborhood park,

Alex, GG, and I turned a corner to find the sweetest, most endearing moment

I have encountered in a long, long time.

A family of five {mom, dad, and three littles} were ahead of us

as we started down a hill.

Two of the littles were on bikes,

the other was in a stroller pushed by her mom.

The dad, mom, and babe were walking together slowly

while the other two pedaled ahead.

One of the littles on the bikes started going down the hill and lost control.

Her feet flew off the pedals and her legs stiffened 

in a perfect pike position as she accelerated quickly in her descent.

The other little, jumped off his bike at the sound of his little sister's scream,

and sprinted down the hill to catch her.

As he caught up with her,

he kept coaching her, reminding her that she was okay, 

until he could push his tiny little legs a bit harder to get in front of her bike and stop her.

My throat tightened and tears welled up in my eyes

as I witnessed this tremendous display of brotherly love.

When we passed his mother, who had tears streaming down her face,

we could see how proud she was of her little boy.

When we caught up to him,

his huge smile and puffed up chest 

revealed his own sense of pride in his act of bravery.

It was truly a sight to see.

It made me excited for my own family to grow 

and to witness moments of sacrificial sibling love between our littles in the future.

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward

While stopped at a red light on my way to work last week,

I looked over out my passaenger side window

and saw one of my former co-workers also waiting for the light to turn green

in the lane next to mine.

It took us a minute to recognize each other

but once we did we squealed and smiled and squealed some more.

 

Then she started to roll down her window.

 

You see, my car has manual locks and manual windows.

I've been embarrassed many times by this fact,

mainly when babysitting and the kiddos have NO IDEA what the hand crank is for

and innocently ask in what year my car was made {2010, in case you were wondering}.

But, I also get super embarrassed when a situation like the other morning occurs

because I have to practically lay down in order to roll down the window.

 

So, I squealed and smiled and squealed some more

and then disappeared from her view as I laid down to

hand crank my passenger-side window.

 

We chatted for the 30 seconds remaining at the red light

and then went on our way once it turned green.

 

And, yeah, I had to drive the rest of my commute with the passenger-side window down.

 

 

 

*     *    *

 

 

My next awkward moment is also brought to you

by my driving adventure to work.

My commute is easily 25 minutes, sometimes, it's 30.

It all depends upon traffic and the number of red lights I catch.

 

Anywhoo, about 20 minutes into my drive

I realized I had had a song playing on repeat.

Yes, I went

T W E N T Y    M I N U T E S

without realizing that I was listening to the same song

over and over and over and over and over.

In fact, I even thought to myself about 15 minutes in,

Hmmm... I feel like that lyric is in a lot of songs on this album.

Why it took me an additional 5 minutes to realize

I had accidentally hit the repeat button at the start of my drive,

I will never know.

 

 

 

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Awesome

 

 

Last week, I was running late.

 

Normally, this wouldn't be that big of a deal.

I usually arrive to school with 45 minutes to spare

before the start-of-school bell rings.

But, this morning I had a parent meeting an hour before the start of school.

 

Things are a little more complicated in the mornings now

with breastfeeding, pumping, and getting myself ready for the day.

And, there is quite the domino effect if I hit snooze one too many times.

Well, on this particular day, I just could not get my behind out of bed.

I hit snooze.

I hit snooze again.

I might have even hit snooze one more time.

 

 

You really can't rush the first two tasks in my morning sequence of three,

so I was kind of frantic when I was trying to get myself dressed and out the door.

 

I drove like a freaking maniac trying to get to school.

{Don't worry, Alex takes Greta to daycare.}

 

I nervously noticed every time the minutes digit changed

on my car clock.

By the time I pulled into the teacher parking lot,

my hands and knees were shaking from guilt

for being 20 minutes late to the parent meeting.

 

I ran straight into school,

nearly taking out every student and teacher in my path,

and sprinted straight into the meeting room.

 

Upon entering, I saw the three other teachers included in the meeting

standing up with their belongings in hand.

 

My heart sank.

 

Gasping for breath, I excalimed,

"I missed them! I missed the parents! I missed the meeting, didn't I?"

 

 

To which the other teachers looked at me annoyingly

and responded,

"No! The parents never showed up."

 

Whew.

 

 

 

 

Awkward & Awesome

Last week was a whole lot of awkward, 

so I thought I would follow up this week with a whole lot of awesome.

Awesome

With GG's food allergies, I could not give her the milk I pumped and froze

prior to starting my elimination diet. 

At first I was heartbroken.

As many mama's will tell you,

breast milk is liquid gold.

Liquid GOLD, I tell ya.

A lot of sweat and tears {no blood though, thank goodness!}

goes into pumping and storing milk.

I had been diligent about pumping since GG was 2 weeks old 

to ensure I would have an ample supply for daycare when I returned to work.

Cue the tears when I realized that the majority of my pumped milk 

could not be fed to my baby since it was contaminated with the very foods to which she is allergic.

Don't worry, I know this is kind of a downer so far but

I promise this ends up being awesome.

A friend suggested that I donate my breast milk to a baby in need via Human Milk 4 Human Babies .

I'm not going to lie, at first, I was a little hesitant. 

There is something about breast milk that seems so... well, personal. 

After thinking about it for a few days, 

 I joined the Facebook group for our region, stalked people's posts, 

responded to a mother in my area, set up a time with her to do the hand off, 

and successfully donated my breast milk.

And, I am really glad I did.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In my attempt to be cool,

I follow a few style bloggers on Instagram.

Stalking their adventurous and extremely well-curated lives via the gram

allows me to live a much, much cooler life vicariously through them.

But my fantasy would came to a screeching halt 

when they all starting using some secret hashtag {#ootd} last week.

For a few days, I tried to figure it out on my own.

But after a while I was tired of being stumped and

just succumbed to my uncoolness and googled #ootd.

This led to an awesome discovery: internetslang.com

Essentially, this is the hashtag guide for dummies.
I quickly found out that #OOTD stands for Outfit Of The Day.

#YSVW.

Awkward & Awesome

This week, I just have a whole lot of awkwards...

Awkward

Colliding with my husband in the kitchen

just as I was taking a swig of sparkling water.

I'm not exactly sure what came over me,

but I found this to be outrageously hilarious.

My esophagus became fertile ground for a game of tug-o-war between 

said sparkling water and the rolling laughter swelling up from my belly.

You know how this story is going to end.

Yup, those laughter rolls won by a long shot,

and sparkling water came {painfully} out my nose.

It took much longer to recover from what felt like a Pop Rocks explosion

in my sinus cavity than the original incident.

Greta is growing and so are her boogers.

The problem with this is

baby boogers are seriously the consistency of rubber cement.

I practically assault her nostrils every morning

with the bulb syringe just to get the slimiest, gooiest of goos out.

Then, trying to get that boogie off of the syringe is a whole other ordeal.

Woe. Is. Me.

My scar is starting to itch.

You know, my c-section scar

which is so thoughtfully placed below my bikini line.

It is driving me crazy

and the nonchalant scratches are becoming more and more non-nonchalant.

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward

School starts back a week from today.

I have returned to the schoolhouse officially twice this summer

and both times I have left boo hoo-ing like a crazy person.

To say I am not ready is a vast understatement.

Can you imagine what next Tuesday is going to be like 

for the poor students in my first period class?

Oh, Lord have mercy on their souls!

Things are going to get awkward when this lady starts

grabbing the tissues during roll call.

Awesome

This little playsuit from BabyGap is not only adorable, it is clever too!

^^^ I absolutely love how this romper is full-length. ^^^

{Clearly, GG does too!}

^^^ But, that's a lot of snaps!^^^

^^^ BabyGap is just two snaps ahead of you ^^^

{see what I did there?},

and made the middle snap gold and left the others silver.

Brilliant! Just brilliant!

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward

It happened again,

and this time I took Alex down with me.

Yup, we got caught in another rain storm

while out on a leisurely stroll in the neighborhood.

Even though as a result of our last misfortune in the downpouring rain

we bought an umbrella and put it in the stroller for any similar occasion in the future,

I had of course taken the umbrella out when we attended Forecastle

because it was on the "do not bring" list.

So, yeah we got stuck in the rain again.

To make matters worse,

this all happened about 30 minutes before GG needed to nurse,

so running in my "sleeping bra" required whole handed boob holding.

It was a sight to see I tell ya.

Awesome

^^^ Allergy-free chocolate chips. ^^^

These little guys have brought me much sanity

these past two weeks as I navigate through this journey of dietary restrictions.

^^^ Speaking of food, ^^^

my new favorite snack is this combo.

Trader Joe's Sea Salt Potato Chips &

Snyder's Waffle Pretzels.

{All soy, dairy, & corn free -- you'd be surprised how hard it is to find that combo.}

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward

With my new dietary restrictions,

I am practically a meat-eating vegan.

Oxymoron much?

I stumbled upon this little gem of a website.

While it is most certainly awkward,

I think it's pretty darn awesome as well.

It would have come in real handy when I was a teenager of my single father

and had to sneakily write on my his grocery list

my monthly needs

and would have saved him the embarrassment of the awkward hand-off 

upon his return from the store.

{It usually involved a non-verbal, non-contact 

drop off on the bathroom counter.}

Awesome

^^^ This happened. ^^^

GG's first pedi.

^^^ And, this happened. ^^^

Yup, I got pulled over driving to Richmond.

I about pooed my pants

but somehow, someway this very nice policeman

let me off with a warning.

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward

I had just showered and brought GG downstairs

to get ready for a visit from a friend,

when I heard something fall upstairs.

I didn't think too much about it at first

and just assumed it was something propped up against the wall 

that maybe I nudged on the way downstairs

or that Cody might have hit as she jumped off the bed.

No big deal.

Greta and I were getting settled.

She was falling asleep in her rock 'n' play

and I was checking my e-mail 

when I heard Cody go apeshit.

I mean she was sprinting from room to room,

things were clinging and clanging,

more things were falling to the ground.

At first, I froze.

My heart was pounding.

Then, I decided to be brave and walk up the stairs

to check out whatever the hell was making all that ruckus.

I got about half way up the stairs,

saw Cody chasing something,

turned right around and started frantically texting Alex.

See below.

He immediately called after asking the dumbest question in the world.

(Clearly, everything was NOT okay!)

I explained the situation with a little more clarity

and told him I just couldn't bring myself to go upstairs.

At this point my very vivid imagination

had convinced me that there was a dragon of some sort 

on the floor above me.

So we decided that since the chase seemed to be over,

I would just stay downstairs with Greta for the rest of the day,

he would rush through work as fast as he could,

and he would deal with the what we hoped was a dead critter when he got home.

Game plan in place,

I tried to get settled again before my friend arrived

only to hear Cody start back up

and a loud THUD at the front door.

I peered around the corner 

to see a bird lying on the floor next to the front door

 flapping its left wing.

Y'all, this freaked me out to the max times ten.

Completely unsure of how to handle this situation,

I started shaking and froze again.

I called Alex back and informed him that despite my conviction there was no dragon 

upstairs but that it was a bird that was now dying in the foyer of our house.

At this very moment, in walks my friend.

I try to warn her before she walks in the door

but she came in before I could get all of the words from my frazzled brain

out of my mouth into coherent sentences.

Awesome

And you know what she did?

She took one look at the bird,

scooped him out the door with her foot,

and carried on like nothing had happened.

She will forever be my Prince Phillip

{from Sleeping Beauty}.

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward :

Finally being able to button my 

{loosest fitting} pre-pregnancy denim shorts,

and confidently walking out the door to my favorite place, Target {duh},

only to bend over and rip those bad boys right up the ass.

Yup, confidence shot.

Those shorts went from being my favorites to in the trash 

 in just a matter of a few short hours.

+++++++++++++++++

Venturing to the mall for the first time with GG in tow

and heading straight to Von Maur because they have a reputation

for having a wonderful area for nursing mothers,

only to be so overwhelmed by our little field trip

that I missed the door for the actual "Mother's Room"

and plopped my nursing self in the 

{open to the whole department store} "Women's Lounge" instead.

After receiving many confused/concerned/dirty looks from fellow female shoppers,

I noticed from my seat in the corner:

So, in between GG's first and second course,

I packed myself up 

and moved right into the appropriate spot.

It's a super nice room and now that I have been there,

I can totes give you directions if you need them ;).

Awesome :

Getting a massage exactly 6 weeks postpartum.

Oh, my shoulders have never felt such sweet relief!

And while I know it might not sound amazing,

 an elbow to the glutes can be magical.

+++++++++++++++++

Now that I am cleared to exercise,

GG and I took BOB for a well-intentioned jog

 that turned out to mostly be a fast-paced walk

{or a wog, if you will}, 

and while I was huffing and puffing my way up a hill,

this random lady started cheering me on.

It seriously made my day and for that moment I didn't cave into the 

overwhelming sensation to just give up and sit my ass on the hot pavement.

I mean it's hard to give up when you have your personal cheerleader.

I wonder how much she would charge 

if I hired her to follow me around the park on my future morning wogs?

Awkward & Awesome

Awkward

As you may recall, my cousin Ethan graduated high school last week.

I was a little nervous taking Greta to the ceremony for equal parts 

 it being her first crowd experience

and because the ceremony is really nice 

(a la private school - no blow horns there)

 and really long

 (or should I say... personal...

 they read a 2-5 minute blurb about every senior which is nice but made for a looooong service).

Thankfully when God created me, He didn't just leave me as a worrier

but coupled that worry with some planner as well.

I timed GG's feeding perfect to make it through the bulk of the ceremony

and packed the diaper bag with everything under the sun just in case.

Greta did great. 

I really didn't need to worry as much as I did.

She slept through most of the ceremony and when she did wake

I just popped a paci in her mouth and she chomped away like the champ that she is.

The awkward part of this story came when

during the ever so intimate portion of the ceremony

where the head mister read of the personal accomplishments 

and defining characteristics of each student 

as they stoond before the audience awaiting their diploma,

GG LET IT RIP!

It was so loud I was sure everyone in the balcony heard

but as I looked around no one seemed to notice

but one man across the aisle.

When he heard what must have sounded like a freight train

he turned in our general direction with a concerned look on his face.

We made eye contact and that was that... I lost it.

He started laughing but

I was shaking so hard from laughter 

that I thought I might drop Greta on the floor.

Finally, I calmed myself

and excused us from the ceremony.

We headed straight to the ladies room where I explained some manners to my little miss.

Also awkward is that fact that I had a "pregnancy tumor"

sprout on my tongue the day before Greta was born.

At first, I thought I might have just eaten too many sour patch kids (as if there is such a thing)

and overloaded my taste buds,

as my sweet tooth was pretty ginormous in the late days of pregnancy.

But, as this growth clung to my tongue for several days after GG's birth

and for several days after that it became larger, I started to worry.

I googled and googled and had pretty much convinced myself I had tongue cancer

and then this happened while I was eating one night...

So, I, bloody-tongued and all, Facetimed my uncle, 

who just so happens to also be my dentist,

and asked him WTH was going on with my bud?

He first told me to put a wet tea bag on the bleeding lesion

(which stopped the bleeding immediately)

 and then reassured me that my tumor was benign and

 due to hormones. 

He said it should go away on its own over the course of 6 weeks

and prescribed my the nastiest, grittiest gel to apply to my tongue several times a day.

Now, that I am 6 weeks postpartum

I am finally watching the growth disappear.

But, seriously body...

on my LAST day of being pregnant,

 you really had to decide to go ahead and pop out a pregnancy tumor.

Thanks a lot.

Awesome

You know what's awesome though?

Having the ability to sing someone to sleep!

My voice is as sweet as vinegar

and my rhythm as smooth as sandpaper.

But for some reason my baby girl is comforted 

when I squawk at her, so squawk at her I shall.

Another awesome moment of our recent past

occurred while walking in the park.

Alex and I were conversing as we often do on walks together,

when I saw it.

My jaw dropped and I had no words.

A game of lair had just concluded 

and people were standing around in their medieval costumes

holding foam swords and shields.

My disappointment that the game was over

did not overshadow the feeling that I had stumbled upon a treasured gem.